This article is a quick, practical list of 10 ways to help children notice feelings, express needs, consider other perspectives, calm their bodies, and repair social problems. It does not treat emotional intelligence as a fixed score or promise academic or mental-health outcomes. For the longer explanation of what emotional intelligence means, read our emotional-intelligence overview; for a larger routine bank, use 24 emotional-skill habits for home.
The CASEL framework groups related learning into self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making. Children practise these skills gradually through responsive relationships, modelling, conversation, play, and repeated opportunities to try again.
Contents
What emotional intelligence looks like in children
In everyday life, it can look like naming disappointment, asking for help, noticing a friend’s reaction, pausing before hitting, or returning to repair a conflict. Expectations should match the child’s age, language, temperament, culture, disability, and current stress level. Emotional skill-building supports development, but it does not replace assessment or care when distress or behavior is persistent, severe, or unsafe.
1. Model Emotional Awareness and Expression
Children learn by example, and as parents, our reactions to emotions serve as their first guide. Narrate your emotions and explain how you manage them. If you feel frustrated, say, “I feel frustrated because things didn’t go as planned, but taking a few deep breaths helps me stay calm.” This kind of modeling teaches kids that it’s okay to have various feelings and shows them constructive ways to express them.
2. Encourage a Rich Emotional Vocabulary
One fundamental step is helping kids name their feelings. Start with basic terms—happy, sad, angry—and expand to more nuanced words like “frustrated” or “disappointed.” Studies show that children who can identify their emotions are better at regulating them, reducing the likelihood of acting out impulsively (Psychology Today). Try emotion charts or flashcards that display facial expressions and match them to emotions. Incorporating this vocabulary in everyday scenarios normalizes emotional expression.
3. Practice Empathy and Perspective-Taking
Empathy—understanding and sharing the feelings of others—is key for forming healthy relationships. Use storybooks, movies, or real-life situations to explore empathy. For example, after reading a story, ask questions like, “How do you think that character felt?” Role-playing is also effective; acting out scenarios allows kids to explore how different emotions affect behavior, helping them see situations from others’ perspectives (The Human Project Foundation).
4. Teach Emotional Regulation Techniques
Children need tools to manage strong emotions. Techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or finding a quiet space can help. Creating a “calm-down corner” at home, filled with sensory items like stress balls, can be a game-changer. Encouraging children to recognize when they’re getting upset and helping them learn self-regulation skills like these can prevent outbursts and foster a calm approach to problem-solving.
5. Foster Problem-Solving and Decision-Making Skills
Emotional intelligence involves more than just empathy; it includes the ability to handle conflicts constructively. Instead of solving every problem for your child, guide them through resolving disputes independently. For example, if a sibling argument arises, encourage each child to express their feelings and brainstorm solutions together. This not only develops resilience but also enhances their capacity to navigate social conflicts positively (mybrightwheel.com).
6. Encourage Self-Reflection Through Questions
Open-ended questions prompt children to reflect on their feelings and reactions. After a challenging event, ask, “What were you feeling when that happened?” or “What are some other ways you could deal with this if it happens again?” This exercise fosters introspection, a key component of EQ, and helps children see the link between their emotions and actions, which is crucial for personal growth (Neurolaunch.com).
7. Promote Social Skills Through Group Activities
Social interactions are where kids practice and hone emotional intelligence skills. Activities like team sports, group projects, or playdates can teach children cooperation, patience, and respect for others. Organize group games where they take turns, share resources, and practice positive social interactions, reinforcing the importance of teamwork and respect.
8. Celebrate Efforts, Not Just Results
Praising children for their effort encourages a growth mindset, which supports resilience. By focusing on the process rather than the outcome, you help them embrace challenges. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try, “I’m proud of how hard you worked.” This approach instills perseverance and emotional resilience, traits essential for navigating relationships and life’s ups and downs.
9. Use Stories and Media as Tools for Emotional Learning
Storybooks and movies are rich resources for teaching emotional intelligence. Select age-appropriate books that explore diverse emotions and perspectives. Discuss the characters’ feelings, choices, and the consequences of their actions. Books like The Way I Feel by Janan Cain or Even Superheroes Have Bad Days by Shelly Becker can make emotional learning both fun and relatable.
10. Reinforce with Real-Life Examples and Personal Stories
Share age-appropriate personal experiences to help them connect emotionally. If you’ve faced a difficult decision, explain your thought process and emotions. Similarly, when kids feel a specific emotion, you can relate to it with an example. Showing that everyone experiences emotions and needs coping strategies can make these skills more accessible and less intimidating.
Frequently asked questions
At what age can children start learning emotional skills?
Adults can name feelings and respond to children’s signals from infancy. Toddlers and preschoolers can begin matching simple feeling words to faces and situations, while older children can discuss mixed feelings, perspective, and repair.
What is one simple way to encourage empathy?
Pause during a story or real conflict and ask: “What might that person be feeling? What clues tell you? What could help?” Accept more than one reasonable answer instead of using the question as a test.
What if a child becomes more upset during a calming activity?
Stop and offer a different safe option. Some children prefer movement, quiet, water, pressure, or space instead of breathing exercises. Persistent distress or impairment deserves discussion with a pediatrician or qualified mental-health professional.
Practise one strategy at a time
Choose one strategy that fits a current family need, model it aloud, and practise it when everyone is calm. Small, repeated opportunities are more realistic than expecting perfect self-control.
For preschool activities, see everyday preschool SEL activities.
